My Inner Ramblings

2008-10-20T15:49:00.001-05:00

Hey There! I have moved again... http://chemgk.wordpress.com

2007-02-21T20:43:00.000-06:00

I have moved to vox! Visit me at chemgk.vox.com

2007-01-19T10:00:00.001-06:00

In my last post, all I did was complain about my weight and being fat. Okay…I got it out of my system. Yes, I am doing something about it…I’m going to Weight Watchers. The plan is very doable and I can still eat all the foods I like, I just have to do it in moderation! It’s time for me to move on and stop complaining. Oh, and I lost 5 lbs. the first week!

On a more interesting note…it’s review time here at work. Can I tell everyone how much I hate review time. I hate the self-evaluation. I hate sitting in my boss’ office and having her tell me all the things I have done wrong over the last year. I love the bonus I will get come March, but I hate what it takes to get there. I’m a type A (I know, how can a fat girl be type A?), but I come off as a type B. I keep everything bottled up and I beat myself up for every single thing. So, it’s really hard to hear someone else tell me about my screw ups, because I have already been beating myself up about it.

Well, that’s all the whining I have for now. Have a great day Internet!

2007-01-08T22:59:00.000-06:00

So my very productive evening has been spent watching TV. I have two very important subjects to discuss. 1) Ohio State Football and 2) Lifetime TV's To Be Fat Like Me.

1) Ohio State Football - What the F*uck! I can't believe they got their asses kicked by Florida. They looked like crap out there tonight. The open play of the game, Ted Ginn returned the kickoff for a touchdown. Then...that was it...that was all. Not another decent play the entire game. I kept flipping back during the commericals of the Lifetime movie. I just couldn't watch the massacre. You suck and you let me down. Damn you OSU!

2) To Be Fat Like Me - So, speaking as a fat girl...what a load of crap. There is no way that she could really understand what is like to be a fat girl by dressing as one for a month. So, she had a few comments made. She didn't have to suffer the humilation of someone not wanting to sit next to you on the plane. Chairs that are too small, everyone analyzing every bite you put in your mouth, having people make unsolicited comments about how pretty you are (now if you would only lose that weight), etc. Of course my favorite question is...Have you lost weight? That is not a compliment to me, especially when I am feeling like a huge lard ass and all I want to do is hide.

Here is the thing...I know that I am pretty...I know that I have a great personality...I know that I would have guys lined up, if I would only lose weight. I don't need people to remind me. I have finally decided in the last few weeks that I will be seeking some help on my food issues. I use food as comfort and I need to stop. I know what I need to do to lose weight, but then something happens and I eat to make myself feel better. I need to deal with this, so I can be healthy and happy for 2007.

2006-12-21T09:24:00.000-06:00

So, for about the last six weeks, my hair has slowly been declining into a state of horribleness. I have needed to get it colored for about 5 of the last six weeks and the back was starting to look like I had a mullet. Last night I was finally able to get into my stylist. My hair looks so much better. It is back to its vibrant red color and he cut off the mullet look. (Side note – I wasn’t going for the mullet look, I’m growing my hair out and as the layers grow out, it starts to look like a mullet). Anyway, no one has even noticed. I even wore it down today (I usually have it in a headband) and no one said a word. I even mentioned that I got my hair done yesterday and my co-worker said “oh, you got you hair colored?” OK…my hair looked like crap and now it looks so much better. I guess I am the only one that noticed or felt like I looked horrible over the last few weeks – or maybe I just look horrible all the time. If someone doesn’t say something about my hair today…I may get it all cut off.

2006-09-22T10:49:00.000-05:00

Happy one year anniversary to me! I have been here in Chi-town for 1 year. One year at the new job, one year in the new place, one year in the big city. It is still amazing to me how quickly time passes now that I am an adult. I remember thinking when will I be old enough to drive?... when will I be old enough to drink?... when will I be old? I’m not old, but I am really starting to feel like a grown up. I have a grown up job (not that I didn’t have decent jobs before, the environment was just not nearly as professional), I bought my first car (all on my own), I’m looking at condos. For the first time in my life, I’m concerned about the amount of money I am pissing away. I worry about my parents and how much more time I have with them. I worry about whether or not I am going to find that special someone who can put up with all my crap. I worry about if I’m going to be too old to have children before I get married. I worry.

When I don’t have enough to worry about myself, I worry about others. My worry now is my new friend, CB. Her husband is thinking of volunteering to serve a year in Iraq. He’s a military man and he wants to do his duty. I completely understand both sides of the story – he needs to fulfill his duty to his country and he feels this is the way to do it; but at the same time, he needs to fulfill his duty to his home and his wife. What do you do? It’s so easy for me (if I had to make the decision) because I don’t have a spouse to think about, so it’s just me. What do you do when you have to think about this other person in your life and what they need or want? It’s not like moving across the country or changing jobs – this is WAR. This is life and death. How do you decide whether or not to risk your life? Especially when someone else is involved. I can give all the pros and be very rational about it for CB, but I can’t help her with her heart and that is very hard for me. My gut and my faith tell me he is going to be okay, whatever happens, but what does that mean for another person? I don’t know. I’m going to let this stew for a while.

2006-09-17T10:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, I did it. I went out and bought myself a car. I'm a little stressed about it. I officially have a car payment...I officially have done it on my own. No help from my mom or dad (yes, dad is going to be a little stressed out about that one). But it is mine (and the bank's). My car was on it's last leg. It needs a new transmission, new brakes, new shocks and struts, new tires, air conditioning recharged. Yep...it was time for something a little newer. I got a 2006 Malibu Maxx LT, it's white with titanium interior. It doesn't have power seats, but I can live with that. I'm the only one who drives it and I put the seat all the way back. I still have some nervousness about the whole thing, but I'll be okay.

2006-09-16T09:53:00.000-05:00

I feel that I need to get something out, but I don't know what it is. So, I have decided to talk about me...because it's all about me!

A few posts ago I listed some of my random thoughts and a little about me, so I thought I would continue...

1) I'm horrible with money - if I have it, I spend it.
2) I'm a little spoiled. My parents have always made sure my sister and I never went without. This has been hard to transition in to adulthood.
3) I have this really caddy side and it is not pretty when it comes out.
4) But at the same time, I am nice to just about everyone - even if I really don't like them.
5) I love to spend a Saturday sitting around watching stupid home improvement shows...cable is very bad for me.
6) I love chocolate.
7) I love dogs.
8) I like cats who act like dogs.
9) I have a really great friends. They are the kind of people that you can tell them all the bad things and they still love you anyway.
10) I seem more confident than I really am.
11) My feelings get hurt very easily - even if I don't let people know.
12) I know the person I am meant to spend the rest of my life with is out there, I just haven't met him yet.
13) My parents are the coolest people. They are very openminded and respectful of others. They are always doing things for people and it makes me appreciate them even more.
14) I wish I would have known my grandparents better. I didn't realized when I was younger that they had so much to offer.
15) I have only been in love once in my life. He broke my heart and it took a long time to get over.
16) I wish there was a magic pill for losing weight.
17) I love football!
18) I hate hot, humid weather. My hair frizzes, I sweat like a man, I can't breathe, basically, I'm miserable.
19) I sometimes feel like I'm missing something in my life.
20) I love myself, even if others don't!

2006-09-06T13:10:00.000-05:00

Is it Tuesday or Wednesday?

Okay, so I have been confused all week as to what day it is. I really enjoy a long weekend, but then I can’t remember what day of the week it is when we have a Monday off.

Speaking of confusion…I know everyone has one of those co-workers that you just want to beat on a daily basis. Not necessarily for a specific reason, just for their general overall presence. One of my co-workers is completely crazy. She thinks the world exists for her. She is busier than everyone else, she can’t make a decision on her own, she want to boss people around (but she doesn’t want to make a decision). UGH! She is just really annoying me today.

This person has a position that is lateral to mine (same basic title, same pay grade). So, her direct boss (my bosses boss) has been out all last week and he was here yesterday, but now he is out again for two days. Needless to say, she gets crazy when he is not here, because she has to make decisions…god forbid. You are 40 something years old, grow up and use your brain for what it is there for. Our jobs are not hard, you just have use common sense. UGH!

Enough venting, I’m off to eat lunch!

2006-09-05T19:24:00.000-05:00

So, I decided to stay in town this weekend and not make the 6 hour venture to visit my family. Well, it's a good thing, because my car has decided to completely bite it! I have lost the overdrive and can't go over 45 miles per hour. I have been considering buying a new car, but I wanted to wait until I got my bonus. Now I have to scramble around and try to get financing and all the other crap that goes with buying a car. Ugh...this sucks.

2006-09-01T11:25:00.000-05:00

So, I've managed to rid myself of the mysterious flea (yes I found the little blood sucker) and my lovely bites are clearing up nicely. Now I can get off my Benadryl and hopefully I will be able to stay awake at work today!

I'm looking forward to the long weekend. I have made no commitments and I plan to keep it that way all weekend. I am going to do what I want, when I want. Yep, I'm selfish like that sometimes!

2006-08-29T18:50:00.000-05:00

I've moved from the bug bite theory to some sort of allergy. I seem to have more today, but they are staying on my hands and feet. So, I am back on the Benadryl, as it seems to help. Here is the problem, working on Benadryl is very difficult. I was reading some documents for my boss today and I couldn't concentrate to save my life. We will see what tomorrow brings...I may be visiting the doctor.

2006-08-28T18:18:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to think of something interesting to write, but I live a pretty boring exsistence. On Saturday, I went to a co-workers house to listen to his band. They are great and a lot of fun. Here is the bad thing...I have several bug bites (they look like flea bites) on my ankles and calves. They itch like crazy and I have been scratching at work all day, even though I have coated my legs in Benadryl spray. So, I decided to treat it systemically. I have just taken two Benadryl pills and washed them down with a Mike's Hard Lemonade. Needless to say, I'm starting to buzz. I'm hoping to wake up tomorrow and they will be gone.

2006-08-23T23:42:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty new to this blog thing, so I have been reading other's blogs just to see what people talk about. I sometimes don't think I have much to offer creatively, but I do have an opinion on most things, so I guess I will stick to what I know. A little bit about me -

1) I'm a republican that leans to the left - my democrat friends call me a "republicrat", I'm fiscally republican, but socially democrat.
2) I think the christian coalition gives republicans a bad name. Not all republicans are that judgemental.
3) I agree with gay "marriage" and same sex partner benefits.
4) I support the troops and how they proudly serve their country. Do I agree with all the reasons we are involved in various skirmishes around the world? No, but that doesn't mean I don't support the men and women who want to help ensure that we (and others) are free to make our own decisions and express our opinions.
5) I'm sometimes not as sure of myself as I lead people to believe.
6) I love cheezy TV and movies.
7) I have a great smile and a very recognizable laugh.
8) I'm 6' tall.
9) I'm not sure John Mark Karr killed JonBenet.
10) I love Chicago and I'm glad I live here.

More to come later...I have to get ready for work!

2006-08-23T23:15:00.000-05:00

Love / Hate Relationship

I have this bizzare love/hate relationship with my job. I love the company I work for - the people are nice (as a collective group), the benefits are wonderful (employee owned company), it is in a really great area, the campus is beautiful, the building has a great art collection and my cube neighbor is a cool chicky (here's your shout out CB). I hate certain aspects of my job - my job is relatively boring (not that there isn't work to do, it's just not that challenging), I have some seriously crazy coworkers, my boss and I struggle every day (we are both control freaks - but I openly admit it) and I'm just not intellectually stimulated.

Of course this love/hate relationship can cover other parts of my life -

I love Chicago/ I hate living so far away from my friends and family
I love my family / I hate when they are all up in my business
I love my car / I hate that it is 10 years old and needs me to put some serious money into it
I love the freedom of being a single gal / I hate the loneliness that accompanies singledom
I love shopping / I hate what it does to my bank account
I love my computer / I hate when I get a blue screen (see the post below)

What kind of love / hate relationship do you have?

2006-08-19T10:15:00.000-05:00

Computers...UGH!

So, last night I sat my happy butt down for some good old shopping on the internet when my computer decided to have a mind of it's own and give me a blue screen! Well, you all know what that means...bye bye computer! Luckly I have me work laptop here and I am currently searching out my options. Do I 1) restore my computer and try to get back as much as I can and try to get another year out of it or 2) just suck it up and buy a new one? Oh...and I need to buy a new car sometime soon! The money rolls in, the money rolls out!

2006-08-18T16:39:00.000-05:00

TGIF!!

I have been thinking this all day! This week has been horrible. Everything I touch just seems to be a disaster. I'm going to go home, put on my casual clothes and go to dinner - where some nice adult type beverages will be consumed and I won't worry about work until Monday morning.

I acutally have the whole weekend to myself. I have had something going on every weekend for the last month and I'm over it! Sometimes it's just nice to be able to decompress and do things on your own terms. My plans tomorrow include a large pot of coffee and some mindless magazine reading! Have a great weekend!

2006-07-14T20:33:00.000-05:00

Here's a little bit about me!

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey

Name: Stephanie
Birthday: December 17, 1970
Birthplace: Mansfield, OH
Current Location: Vernon Hills, IL
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Red
Height: 6'0"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Left Handed
Your Heritage: Heinz 57
The Shoes You Wore Today: Annie Gabby Sandals ordered from Zappos.com
Your Weakness: Chocolate
Your Fears: Snakes
Your Perfect Pizza: Chicago Style with Pepperoni and Onions (and plenty of Altoids to follow)
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Lose 50 pounds
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LMAO
Thoughts First Waking Up: Is it morning already?
Your Best Physical Feature: Smile
Your Bedtime: Late...usually Midnight or later
Your Most Missed Memory: My trip to San Diego
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: McD's
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: Nope
Do you Swear: Hell yeah!
Do you Sing: I try...
Do you Shower Daily: Absolutely
Have you Been in Love: Yes
Do you want to go to College: Been there, done that!
Do you want to get Married: Someday
Do you belive in yourself: Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness: No
Do you think you are Attractive: Yes, not in a model sort of fashion, but not ugly.
Are you a Health Freak: No
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes...they are my rock!
Do you like Thunderstorms: Love them!
Do you play an Instrument: Yes, but it's been awhile
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No
In the past month have you been on Stage: No
In the past month have you been Dumped: No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No
Ever been Drunk: Yes
Ever been called a Tease: No
Ever been Beaten up: No
Ever Shoplifted: No
How do you want to Die: Quick and Painless
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Still trying to figure that out
What country would you most like to Visit: Switzerland
Number of Drugs I have taken: None
Number of CDs I own: Too many to count
Number of Piercings: 2
Number of Tattoos: None
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Nothing...it's my past, why regret it? I look forward to my future!

In a Boy/Girl...
Favourite Eye Color: Blue
Favourite Hair Color: Brown
Short or Long Hair: Short
Height: Taller than me
Weight: Doesn't matter
Best Clothing Style: Preppy

2006-07-14T19:59:00.000-05:00

Note to self...do NOT volunteer to head up a committee ever again. You would have thought I learned my lesson 3 years ago when I chaired my neighborhood festival, but....OOPS I did it again! I hate the politics, the pushiness and the general all around b s that goes along with it. People piss me off. We have all the typical members...

1) The guilt layer - "we missed you at the last meeting" with that accusatory tone that says, "you should have been there". Even though I had spoken to the chair of the committee and she was fully aware of where I was with my committee.
2) The list maker - she/he is the one that makes a list and presents it two days before the event. The list usually consists of things that she/he should have brought up a month ago. This causes everyone to scramble, just to please her/him.
3) The "leader" - this is the person that tries to run the committee, even though he/she didn't want to be the chairperson of the committee.
4) The "idea" person - this is the person that has lots of great ideas, but no intention of actually doing anything to implement them.
5) The "crazy" - this person rambles at every meeting about stuff that is not relevent to anything, especially the topic at hand (this person works in my department, so I have to deal with her daily).

I'm sure I could come up with a few more, but these are the ones I have had to deal with and the ones I want to smack! I can't wait for tommorrow to be over! I just keep repeating to myself - "I will never do this again"..."I will never do this again"...